{"id":2604,"date":"2019-10-15T18:58:21","date_gmt":"2019-10-15T18:58:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/joanndownsalo.com\/?p=1261"},"modified":"2026-07-09T21:46:50","modified_gmt":"2026-07-10T02:46:50","slug":"the-cost-of-dreams-the-riches-of-faith","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/?p=2604","title":{"rendered":"The Cost of Dreams\/The Riches of Faith"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The book is finished. The memoir I&#8217;ve been writing: <strong><em>Divine Surprise<\/em><\/strong><em>. <\/em>It has a beginning, a middle, and an end. A book I believe God called me to write. It\u2019s done. No\u2026it hasn&#8217;t been published. It hasn\u2019t even been edited for errors or flowability or whatever it\u2019s called when a book follows a solid sequence, but I\u2019ve done all I can do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It\u2019s taken a toll on my mind and body. Mary Karr warned me in, The Art of Memoir, <em>\u201cI\u2019ve said it\u2019s hard. Here\u2019s how hard: everybody I know who wades deep enough into memory\u2019s waters drowns a little. Two hours after Carolyn See finished her first draft of Dreaming, she collapsed with viral meningitis: It was my brain\u2019s way of saying, \u2018You\u2019ve been looking where you shouldn\u2019t be looking.\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The thing about writing memoir; it\u2019s going back and reliving it on an immersed level. Back then, we didn\u2019t stop for feelings, we managed with varying vices. Reviving it on the page forces you to taste, touch, wear, smell, hear those memories in ways you may not have allowed yourself to reach when it was actually happening. From this vantage point you\u2019re accepting the full impact of events&nbsp;<em>all at once<\/em>. (My therapist shakes her head when I tell her this.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">After the first draft, I went to the hospital with pneumonia. The second, I came down with a month-long virus sending me to the ER for dehydration. The third draft triggered a nervous breakdown\u2014back to the hospital. The fifth draft\u2014dotting the last sentence\u2014I literally left my chair in a full-blown panic attack.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It all began with a dream, \u201cI want to write!\u201d Progressed like a question, \u201c<em>Can<\/em> I write this?\u201d Ended like the last runner of a marathon, \u201cI finished.\u201d The cheering had all died down. Empty cups and torn streamers lay in the street. Everyone\u2019s gone home and I\u2019m wondering if it was all worth it. The last leg looks nothing like the dream I first imagined.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But dreams never do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I wonder if Abraham, the father of many nations, ever asked, \u201cWas <em>this<\/em> part of <em>your<\/em> plan God? Have I misread you?\u201d Did the brave boy David, crowned King of Israel, ever crumble over all the blood on his hands? Do you think Mary\u2019s dreams included a price on her newborn\u2019s head? Or a cross stained red?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>God has never been about&nbsp;furthering&nbsp;his kid\u2019s fame or fortune\u2014the stuff dreams are made of.<\/strong> <strong>He\u2019s not training us to take home the trophy.<\/strong><strong><em> He\u2019s making us fit for the kingdom.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Now in the pause of proving myself capable, I\u2019m counting great gains. Relationships have healed. Bitterness has been beaten. My understanding of forgiveness and grace is going out and flowing in like the tide. My heart is no longer beating solely for itself. I\u2019m getting comfortable in my own skin and welcoming who Jesus has loved me to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong><em>I put my faith in God to write the book. He carries me through the book so I can find greater faith.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What happens next\u2014I do not know. I only know this finish-line is bigger than a bestseller.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The book is finished. The memoir I&#8217;ve been writing: Divine Surprise. It has a beginning, a middle, and an end. A book I believe God called me to write. It\u2019s done. No\u2026it hasn&#8217;t been published. It hasn\u2019t even been edited for errors or flowability or whatever it\u2019s called when a book follows a solid sequence, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":143625079,"featured_media":20177,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_coblocks_attr":"","_coblocks_dimensions":"","_coblocks_responsive_height":"","_coblocks_accordion_ie_support":"","advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_wpcom_ai_launchpad_first_post":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1547,401],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2604","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dreams","category-faith"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pacmrQ-G0","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2579,"url":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/?p=2579","url_meta":{"origin":2604,"position":0},"title":"I&#8217;m Struggling","author":"Jo Alo","date":"April 1, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"It's about the book --\u00a0the memoir I started 5 years ago. I just finished the fourth go at it. I could hardly wait to hear what my writing coach had to say, until she said,\u00a0This next run I want you to focus on...\u00a0I can't even listen. It's too much. The\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;The Bible&quot;","block_context":{"text":"The Bible","link":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/?cat=54418"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/3f503-6su3izvsrnrkypxk4ovw-e1554134706845.jpg?fit=1200%2C901&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/3f503-6su3izvsrnrkypxk4ovw-e1554134706845.jpg?fit=1200%2C901&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/3f503-6su3izvsrnrkypxk4ovw-e1554134706845.jpg?fit=1200%2C901&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/3f503-6su3izvsrnrkypxk4ovw-e1554134706845.jpg?fit=1200%2C901&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/3f503-6su3izvsrnrkypxk4ovw-e1554134706845.jpg?fit=1200%2C901&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2578,"url":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/?p=2578","url_meta":{"origin":2604,"position":1},"title":"The Library","author":"Jo Alo","date":"February 17, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"What's not to love about it? When my kids were little we visited the library weekly. In fact my oldest daughter says, \"That's one of my best memories as a child.\" (Hallelujah, she has one.) Their little eyes roaming for titles, Nancy Drew,\u00a0The\u00a0Baby-Sitters Club, The Berenstain Bears, Cloudy With a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;The Bible&quot;","block_context":{"text":"The Bible","link":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/?cat=54418"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/40e2b-s4i8pxsvtuk2iuklmxdvng.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/40e2b-s4i8pxsvtuk2iuklmxdvng.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/40e2b-s4i8pxsvtuk2iuklmxdvng.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/40e2b-s4i8pxsvtuk2iuklmxdvng.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/40e2b-s4i8pxsvtuk2iuklmxdvng.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":12933,"url":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/?p=12933","url_meta":{"origin":2604,"position":2},"title":"God Speaks for Himself","author":"Jo Alo","date":"May 25, 2024","format":false,"excerpt":"I'm scared to tell you, Your wrong about God\u2014because I've been wrong, oh so wrong, and who am I?The Bible says that if we seek the Lord our God with all our heart and soul, we will find Him. Are you looking for God? Wondering what God's whole plan is\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;The Bible&quot;","block_context":{"text":"The Bible","link":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/?cat=54418"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/daniel-fazio-dzqeb43hfne-unsplash-e1756926157572.jpg?fit=1058%2C846&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/daniel-fazio-dzqeb43hfne-unsplash-e1756926157572.jpg?fit=1058%2C846&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/daniel-fazio-dzqeb43hfne-unsplash-e1756926157572.jpg?fit=1058%2C846&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/daniel-fazio-dzqeb43hfne-unsplash-e1756926157572.jpg?fit=1058%2C846&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/daniel-fazio-dzqeb43hfne-unsplash-e1756926157572.jpg?fit=1058%2C846&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":6965,"url":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/?p=6965","url_meta":{"origin":2604,"position":3},"title":"Some Soul Care: Rest For An Anxious Mind","author":"Jo Alo","date":"August 19, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"We all resist rest when our nerves get stretched. When our mental capacity has reached its limit. We\u2019re bent over, almost breaking like a branch heavy with apples needing picking. Another hour, just two more things after this. Until our limbs quake with the weight of one more. Finished another\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;anxiety&quot;","block_context":{"text":"anxiety","link":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/?cat=3252"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/c1d236bb-b6d7-465e-bfb4-60d7e6206830.jpeg?fit=1200%2C755&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/c1d236bb-b6d7-465e-bfb4-60d7e6206830.jpeg?fit=1200%2C755&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/c1d236bb-b6d7-465e-bfb4-60d7e6206830.jpeg?fit=1200%2C755&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/c1d236bb-b6d7-465e-bfb4-60d7e6206830.jpeg?fit=1200%2C755&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/c1d236bb-b6d7-465e-bfb4-60d7e6206830.jpeg?fit=1200%2C755&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":5419,"url":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/?p=5419","url_meta":{"origin":2604,"position":4},"title":"Flowers In The Desert","author":"Jo Alo","date":"April 4, 2022","format":false,"excerpt":"My daughter, Laura, called from the Mohave Desert. (And I\u2019m not speaking metaphorically.) Tent up, flapping in the desert breeze. Backpack and bottles strewn about like her bedroom used to be. Her skin freckled & parched from trekking 130 miles in the heat. It\u2019s her third leg hiking the 2,650-mile\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;affection&quot;","block_context":{"text":"affection","link":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/?cat=212684"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/img_7410-e1653169645628.jpeg?fit=1200%2C758&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/img_7410-e1653169645628.jpeg?fit=1200%2C758&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/img_7410-e1653169645628.jpeg?fit=1200%2C758&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/img_7410-e1653169645628.jpeg?fit=1200%2C758&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/img_7410-e1653169645628.jpeg?fit=1200%2C758&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2382,"url":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/?p=2382","url_meta":{"origin":2604,"position":5},"title":"Letting Your Fledgling Go","author":"Jo Alo","date":"May 11, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"A mama robin lands, shrilling from the roof of the shed. Across the driveway her last fledgling rests inside the gutter on the corner of the house reluctant to leave the comforts of home. We watched her and papa serve meals and guard their young for two weeks without a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Parenting&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Parenting","link":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/?cat=5309"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/robin.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/robin.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/robin.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/robin.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/robin.jpg?fit=1200%2C800&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/joalo.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/IMG_3774.jpeg?fit=2897%2C2843&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2604","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/143625079"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2604"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2604\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":19924,"href":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2604\/revisions\/19924"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/20177"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2604"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2604"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/joalo.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2604"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}